hair

Are you? I hope. More ok than that ’70’s self help book I ripped my title from, anyway. Did anyone else have to read it for psych when they were in school? It should have been titled the Tao of OKitude. I don’t remember Harris’ theories, I just remember each chapter feeling like torture. As I recall, the solution was reading while listening to the Doobie Brothers cranked on the stereo.

Publicity photo of the music group The Doobie Brothers. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Speaking of, I guess I’ve got the 1970’s on my brain today. I went to get my hair cut, wanted something a little different. Retro. Somehow, no matter what I ask for, I always seem to walk out of the hair salon looking, umm, shall we say, suburban? Doesn’t matter whether the stylist is male or female, young, old, or middle aged, when they see my salt and pepper hair they stop listening and give me the haircut they think is appropriate. You’d think they’d understand appropriate isn’t high on my list, based on the fact that I don’t dye my hair, and usually walk in looking like a frizz bomb.

Today’s guy tried to ignore me, and I tried to explain. Of course, my brain fogged with the smell of hair bleach from the woman next to me getting highlights, and I couldn’t think of the word “shag.” I kept saying fringe. Can’t imagine why fringe would pop into my head. So I made him get props. The sad, dusty binders filled with jagged edged magazine photos. I’m laughing just thinking of the expression on the stylist’s face, trying to decide how to tell me I don’t have straight hair. I reassured him that I understand my hair won’t do anything other than what it wants no matter how it’s cut without major intervention. Just make it so I can make it look reasonable when I put the effort in.

After 20 minutes of cutting, product, 25 minutes of blow drying, 20 minutes with the straightening iron, a little more cutting, a little more ironing, a little more product. Voila!

Mrs Fringe, Smooshed, Smoothed, and Ironed

Sometimes a gal just has to remind herself she knows how to be a person. I’ve been submerged in revisions, but I’m happy to say they don’t feel hellish right now. In fact, I’m feeling pretty good about how the story is coming together.

In celebration of sleek hair and edits that are working, I offer a song to my fringelings.

I need a haircut. In my mind, I look like this:

Nichols as Lieutenant Uhura. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

But the mirror shows more like this:

The famous tongue image (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’ve been thinking (read, moaning and groaning to Husband) I need a haircut for about a month now. I know it’s true, because when I walked into Mother-In-Law’s apartment yesterday afternoon, she asked if Flower Child had done my hair for me.

I like to look presentable but I run into several obstacles. 1) I hate looking in the mirror. Truly, I’d rather have the Evil Queen’s mirror (Snow White) than the bitch harping on me from mine.

2) I don’t enjoy going for haircuts, or anything else that involves strangers touching me. Yes, I’m uptight. Accept it, I have.

3) The ever-looming budget. I can get my hair cut next week, but that means I have to skip Friday Night Madness this week. Not a tragedy or a hardship, but a bummer. Even in my broke and Fringe life, I recognize this as a first world obstacle.

4) I haven’t had a haircut in five years that wasn’t interrupted by the school nurse, calling to tell me Flower Child was sick or seizing or both. I haven’t received a phone call from the nurse yet this year, I’d like to stretch this as long as I can.

I don’t dye my hair, it’s salt and pepper and yes, I like it this way. But thanks for giving your best guesstimate on how much younger I’d look and you’d feel if I dyed it. I spend about two weeks googling hairstyles for gray hair before I go. Why? I see the same three images, regardless of year, season, or current styles.

English: Actress Jamie Lee Curtis autographs her books for children in Building 150 at Joint Base Pearl Harbor-Hickam, Hawaii, April 1, 2010. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Paula Deen holds court (Photo credit: Bristol Motor Speedway & Dragway)

Cruella (Photo credit: KerriNikolePhotography)

Ok, I made up the Cruella one, Emmylou Harris is usually the third photo to pop up. Maybe I should go for Cruella this year. It might just satisfy Mirror.