I don’t wear makeup frequently, which means that buying makeup is a rarity–usually prompted by leprosy or pink eye caused by wearing really old makeup. Recently, Art Child has been curious, and wanting to play with some of the stuff out of the oh-so-fancy ziploc bag that holds my war paint.
The day before yesterday was a fabulous one; Man Child and Miss Music had come down for a couple of days, and so we went to the beach together. Perfect, fun, relaxed, I was still feeling good from it.
Exactly the right mood. It was gray and expected to rain yesterday, so why not hit the makeup store? It’s been a long time since I went in anywhere and had my face done, but I figured this way I could update my look (ha!) and the girl could watch and see how it’s supposed to be applied. And what better way to ignore the story idea knocking at my brain than to walk away from the laptop and pretend I’m a normal woman who doesn’t imagine living houses and talking trees? I told the make-up artist that I don’t wear the stuff often, and when I do, I like a “natural” look, minimal products. Apparently it has been a reeeeeally long time since I did this, because there’re about 12 new steps and layers that I’ve never even heard of. Something about priming and contouring, I don’t know. From what I could tell, these new steps involve varying shades of gray and beige painted on, dried, and then painted again until your face has been appropriately shellacked so you look like a cadaver–this is all before applying the steps and products I’m more familiar with.
When it was all done, I looked like I was ready to jump onstage with David Bowie, circa 1981, and it was pouring outside. Serious, monsoon time. By the time we walked the three blocks home, I had a slime coat dripping from my forehead to my knees, black gook rings covering two-thirds of my face, and my back and hip were screaming in pain. I guess the combo of high humidity, heat, and sitting still in the makeup chair for an hour wasn’t the best plan. Nerd Child was awake by this time, looked up from his computer, recoiled, and said “What did you guys do?”
By the time Husband came home from work, I had given up and was in pajamas, in bed. “What’s the–oh! Umm, did you put makeup on today?” I could hear him snickering as he went to grab me a pain pill.
This morning the humidity is down, the rain is gone, my face is clean, and I’m feeling much better. Still, I think I should stick to my algae studies on the beach. Besides, I hear green hair algae is a great wrinkle cure.