Making It Up

 

 I don’t wear makeup frequently, which means that buying makeup is a rarity–usually prompted by leprosy or pink eye caused by wearing really old makeup.  Recently, Art Child has been curious, and wanting to play with some of the stuff out of the oh-so-fancy ziploc bag that holds my war paint.

The day before yesterday was a fabulous one; Man Child and Miss Music had come down for a couple of days, and so we went to the beach together.  Perfect, fun, relaxed, I was still feeling good from it.

Exactly the right mood.  It was gray and expected to rain yesterday, so why not hit the makeup store?  It’s been a long time since I went in anywhere and had my face done, but I figured this way I could update my look (ha!) and the girl could watch and see how it’s supposed to be applied.  And what better way to ignore the story idea knocking at my brain than to walk away from the laptop and pretend I’m a normal woman who doesn’t imagine living houses and talking trees?  I told the make-up artist that I don’t wear the stuff often, and when I do, I like a “natural” look, minimal products.  Apparently it has been a reeeeeally long time since I did this, because there’re about 12 new steps and layers that I’ve never even heard of.  Something about priming and contouring, I don’t know.  From what I could tell, these new steps involve varying shades of gray and beige painted on, dried, and then painted again until your face has been appropriately shellacked so you look like a cadaver–this is all before applying the steps and products I’m more familiar with.

When it was all done, I looked like I was ready to jump onstage with David Bowie, circa 1981, and it was pouring outside.  Serious, monsoon time. By the time we walked the three blocks home, I had a slime coat dripping from my forehead to my knees, black gook rings covering two-thirds of my face, and my back and hip were screaming in pain. I guess the combo of high humidity, heat, and sitting still in the makeup chair for an hour wasn’t the best plan.  Nerd Child was awake by this time, looked up from his computer, recoiled, and said “What did you guys do?”

By the time Husband came home from work, I had given up and was in pajamas, in bed.  “What’s the–oh! Umm, did you put makeup on today?”  I could hear him snickering as he went to grab me a pain pill.

This morning the humidity is down, the rain is gone, my face is clean, and I’m feeling much better.  Still, I think I should stick to my algae studies on the beach. Besides, I hear green hair algae is a great wrinkle cure.

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17 comments

  1. So where’s the make-up photo? 😀

    I’m not the world’s best make-up person. Can’t remember the last time I wore it. Th feel of slimy stuff on my skin freaks me out. And it all looks so false 😦 Bleugh.💋

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    1. lol, a big old no to the makeup photo 😛 Love that you’re also a no-regular-makeup gal. 😉 I don’t mind wearing some, once in a while, but the layers and layers, ugh! 😀

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  2. Oh Mrs Fringe! I can just imagine. . .

    You are braver than me, though. Never have I gone to get a makeup thing at a store. And anyway, my makeup regime is either minimal or non-existent.

    But we don’t need no stinking makeup regime, with all the foundations and whatever else they want to put on us. We shall shine, regardless.

    xoxo kk

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  3. David Bowie was so cool back then. Makeup included. Love your beach photo and I’m glad you got a chance to enjoy with yoru kids. Happy summer to you and New York City where I got to spend three fabulous days earlier this summer. What a place!

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    1. Bowie was very cool, wasn’t he? 🙂 Happy summer to you, as well–I’m glad you had fun here, I gripe about living here, but it is a fabulous place to visit! ❤

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  4. I LOVE SPACE ODDITY.

    Contouring is some sort of elaborate witchery and the whole “poreless doll face” (or corpse face) thing that seems to have caught on is very….unsettling…when you run into somebody done up in that manner.

    I’ve only really developed a makeup habit in the last year or so. It’s a very very small habit, and my daily “routine” is two items (well, three, if you count the totally normal not tinted in any way facial moisturizer I put on right out of the shower). The other two things are eyeliner and mascara, both waterproof (well, okay, the “eyeliner” I’ve been using most often is actually a Rimmel brand “eyeshadow crayon” that’s smudge proof and waterproof, but it works as a liner quite nicely, actually, probably because it’s smudge proof and waterproof.)

    If I DO get “fancy” and add eye shadow, I’ll use a primer first on my eyelids, because my stuff does crease pretty badly. But most of the time I don’t.

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    1. Yes! It is witchery, I agree. And for those of us who are heavily freckled, it’s downright silly. 😉 Fancy, for me, is eyeliner, eyeshadow primer (no shadow, just the primer) and tinted moisturizer. Tada!

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  5. Your painted face melting off in the rain description made me laugh a lot. I do wear makeup when I’m on stage singing. Also, when I’m in the mood I wear it when we go out, and I’ve learned how to apply it in an understated and subtle way.

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    1. 🙂 I’m not opposed to makeup, it can be fun to get dressed up and add some extra luminescence (the new cosmetic word for sparkle). But I think I’m going to stick with my old routine, the modern application is not for me–glad I gave you a smile this morning!

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