Life

Spring!

Daffodils

Daffodils (Photo credit: tejvanphotos)

Happy Easter, Happy Passover, happy whatever you celebrate!

I will celebrate today by keeping my insides on the inside, which is more than I can say for yesterday.  And of course, feeling guilty, for all I didn’t get done.  No writing, no blogging, no buying seeds or seedlings with Flower Child, no laundry, no nothing.

I think I had food poisoning.  I’m sure you can all fill in the rest of those blanks by yourself.

But hey, I’m sitting upright this morning!

Ride Upright

Ride Upright (Photo credit: poetas)

Someone save the black jellybeans for me, I’m not ready for them yet, but I’m sure I’ll be looking for them tomorrow.

Hear That?

It’s the sound of Mrs Fringe having a quiet day.

Black Sand Beach, Maui

Black Sand Beach, Maui (Photo credit: szeke)

In my mind, the scene above is where I am today.  And man, do I need it.  This neverending winter has felt torturous.

But, Spring Break started for Flower Child at 2:35 yesterday afternoon, and Nerd Child is home for another week, so it counts as Spring Break for me, too.  In the spirit of the day, Big Senile Dog decided to start us off right by peeing all over the apartment last night.  In case you were wondering, I don’t call him Senile for no reason.  Occasionally, these days, he forgets the protocol for when and how to void his bladder.  He isn’t the biggest dog, but he is sizable, and has a bladder appropriate for an elephant.

A busy week this week.  I did a fair amount of work on the WIP, submitted eek!!! two short stories, picked up a mountain’s worth of dog poop, all the usual Mama stuff, and had a conversation with the puzzle doctor without crying, pretended I’m moving to New Hampshire and saw some fabulous real estate porn, managed to keep my brain inside my skull despite the ongoing jackhammering on my corner.  Great success.  To reward myself, I made an extra pot of French Press this morning, and spent the last two hours reading.

Reading

Reading (Photo credit: – Annetta -)

Just reading.  No research, no Facebooking, no crushing myself with literature I’ll never measure up to, just a nice read. What else would one do lying on an empty beach?

At some point this week, I read about Michelle Shocked’s rant in California.  I liked her back in the day.  Didn’t love her, but I had a couple of cassettes with her music.  I wasn’t shocked that she’s now found religion, and embraced a different outlook along with it–to put it mildly.  She isn’t the first, won’t be the last.  There’s a difference though, between someone who changes their views, actions, or even their beliefs, with age, time, and their personal experiences and someone who can’t commit to who they are now or admit who they were way back when.  It made me wonder, who are/where are the young women we can look at and admire now?  Odd, isn’t it, the things that can trigger sadness for lost youth, commitment, and passion?

Gawd, I’m maudlin today.

Imma go put some Patti Smith on the iPod.  I would dance along, but I’m afraid to get Big Senile Dog excited, since I’ve only got three paper towels left.

 

Mrs Fringe Learns to Internetz

Not really.  It’s magically working again, much the way it magically stopped working.  And then started.  And then stopped.

Internet

Internet (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Come to think of it, this is just like the early spring we’re not having.  Someone find me that damned woodchuck groundhog, Imma make a stew.

I’ve been dreaming about moving to the country.  Husband thinks I’m kidding, but I decided I need a dream that could possibly eventually happen, not just the fantasy of a beach house. This would mean going north, colder but less expensive.  I feel the past weeks have been training for a rural life.  Internet out, multiple snowfalls in March…yup, I’m ready.

Since we started to have spring, the critters are here.  But now it’s cold again, and they’re more pissed than I am.  Even the rats are confused, I’ve seen at least three smooshed rats on my block over the past couple of days.  They’re usually pretty good at avoiding cars. Let’s be honest, though, better a smooshed rat than a live one.

In the park, lots of screaming birds.  I assume they’re protesting the lack of soft earth and worms.  But maybe not.  Maybe they’re screaming in fear.  We seem to have a new predator bird in the neighborhood.  (And when I say a new one, I mean new to me, they could well have lived here for fifty years without my noticing.  I also don’t know if there’s one or a dozen).  In any case, the other afternoon I was walking a dog along a path in Central Park when something whooshed overhead.  It was the coolest freaking bird I’ve ever seen outside of the colorful ones that live on people’s shoulders.  Cool enough for me to forget to be afraid.  I only saw it from underneath, beige, tan, and brown with an awesome, almost diamond pattern across its feathers.  Sort of the colors of the piebald pigeons, only not ugly.   The wingspan had to have been five feet across.  In between the internet being down, I googled, trying to figure out what this bird is. Almost a falcon, but no.

Another sign that it should be spring, Nerd Child is home for Spring Break!  Yay!!!!!!  I’m thrilled, Flower Child is thrilled, we miss the boys when they’re away.

What to do with your first day of spring break when you’re *almost* fifteen, home from boarding school and just finished finals?  Get up early, meet the priest who runs the middle school you attended, and go to the St Patrick’s Day parade, of course.

Green Bagel!

Green Bagel! (Photo credit: pirate johnny)

Nothing a Latino teen likes better than corned beef and green bagels.  My mother in law will take care of the obligatory flan this evening.  Why yes, flan is a necessary component to St Patrick’s Day.  Ask Nerd Child, he’ll happily explain flan is a necessary component to any and every celebration.

Apparently, while chatting, the priest mentioned ospreys have been taking out pigeons by the church.  Nerd Child came home and told me this, and I looked up ospreys.  YES!!!  That’s exactly the bird I saw in the park.  Already super impressive, and now I find out they eat pigeons?  Mrs Fringe has a new favorite critter.  I wonder if I can keep one on my terrace?

Osprey

Osprey (Photo credit: Gregory Jordan)

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Lorraine Carpenter in typing class at Aldergro...

Lorraine Carpenter in typing class at Aldergrove Highschool, British Columbia / Lorraine Carpenter participant à un cours de dactylographie à l’école secondaire Aldergrove, Colombie-Britannique (Photo credit: BiblioArchives / LibraryArchives)

Does this title ring any bells for any of my readers?  I don’t remember my typing teacher’s name, but I certainly remember her voice, which managed to screech with every letter she called out.  You’d think her beehive would have softened the sound.  “Accuracy, girls!  And boys too, I suppose.”  Ah, she was a charmer.

It used to matter, how fast you typed, how accurate you were.  In the days of carbon paper and white out.  Oh, the excitement of electric typewriters, and the white out ribbon! I love to look at the old typewriters, have an excellent, artsy photo of one, and one of these days I’m going to find the perfect old manual in an antique store, at a perfect price, waiting for me to bring it home and display it.  But I don’t miss typing on one.  It was slow and often painful, needing to hit each key with the same amount of force, keys getting stuck and invariably getting my finger hammered trying to unstick them.

You can imagine my pleasure when someone refers to writing as typing.

Misprints

Misprints (Photo credit: eldeeem)

Flower Child, “Mommy, are you finished typing yet?”  Husband, “I thought you were still typing.”  Especially since I do associate Husband with literal typing.  He went to college with my brother.  I typed several of their papers.  After one particularly long and hideous paper, I had a PTSD type reaction for years after whenever I had need to tap out the word acetaminophen.

The past few days have thrown my writing schedule way, way off.  I think my last post here on Mrs Fringe was the last semi-coherent thing I wrote.  First I had the mother of all migraines, laid me out for a full day, left me dizzy for a second day.  Yesterday I had a meeting during my usual writing time.  I’m most productive in the mornings.  It took too many years for me to figure that out, opposed my image of myself as writ-ah, tap tap, tapping away during the night.  Turns out I’m in fine company, plenty of respected, lauded writers and writ-ahs work in the morning. Not least of which was Hemingway.  Ah, the lore and lure of Papa.

I thought I would get back to work today, but no such luck.  Flower Child was sick.  Can’t get lost in fantasy land when you’re watching the clock to call the doctor’s office for an appointment.  OK, done.  I thought I would have time to get a few pages done, but the more days I’m away from the manuscript, the longer it takes for me to get back into my characters’ heads, and be productive.  One page.  One page and then it was time to take her to the doctor.  In the pouring rain that didn’t stop. All day, drip, drip, squish.  Luckily, once we were there, I got to find out in addition to an infection, FC has lost two pounds.  Aargh!!!  Two pounds is way too much for a kiddo who literally has nothing to spare.

Right now, I’d be ok with a few uninterrupted hours to practice my typing.

A monkey typing

A monkey typing (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

Dog Poop Picker Upper

Poop Scooping Bag Instructions

Poop Scooping Bag Instructions (Photo credit: reinvented)

Last night I was out with Fatigue for Friday Night Madness.  While we waited for our beers to arrive, we caught each other up on the bits and pieces of the last couple of weeks since we were last out.  I talked at him, telling him what’s happening with my writing, he talked at me, telling me what’s happening with his singing.  A nice evening, the bar wasn’t too crowded, all our favorite waitresses were working, and as usual, the customers were a cross section of our neighborhood.  $16 a pint hipsters sitting at one table with a table of $5 pitcher drinkers next to them.

I was pleased to have a funny story to share with Fatigue.  Earlier in the day I was cruising the writer’s forum, and came across a thread looking for some ideas for humiliating jobs that a character might have.  Jobs that would be super embarrassing, easy targets for being looked down upon, lots of opportunity for humor.  Yanno where I’m headed with this, right?

English: Pooper scooper detail at end of the C...

English: Pooper scooper detail at end of the Cherry Blossom Festival Parade in Washington, D.C. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

No less than three people volunteered the idea of dog poop picker upper.  Now it’s true, lots of opportunity for comedy in this, and it doesn’t have quite the same ring as “My Son The Doctah,” but we all do what we have to do.  Fatigue is a singer, who walks dogs to pay his rent.  Mrs Fringe is a Mama, a writer, and walks dogs to put the pharmacist’s kid through college.  Yes, dog poop picker uppers.  Try not to be jealous, as we spend our days skipping through the rain and snow, laughing and examining dog poop. Sure it’s a shitty job, but someone’s got to do it. *rimshot*

But we were laughing last night, assuming the posters were young enough to not intend any harm or insult.  It’s innocence, to see these types of jobs as throwaway.  We ate, and then chatted for a bit with one of the waitresses.   The one who serves us beer on Friday nights so she can continue working on her doctorate during the day. Bar maid, ditch digger, lawyer, nit-picker and poop picker upper, we all do what we can and what we have to.  Everyone has a story,  whether we’re living life on the fringe, or just appear to be.

Cheers, Fringelings!

English: Paulaner Dunkel

English: Paulaner Dunkel (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There’s a Frog in My Keyboard

English: head of waterfrog (Rana esculenta) Fr...

English: head of waterfrog (Rana esculenta) Français : tête de grenouille verte (Rana esculenta) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

An unfortunate state of affairs, because the letter “f” on my laptop sticks.  About a third of the time when I hit it nothing appears, another third I remember to come down extra hard, and I get three fffs in a row.  But I digress.

You know what I mean, when you don’t have actual laryngitis, but what comes out when you open your mouth is not reliable.

I’m taking a day off from the WIP today, because I’m not sure what my next scene is.  Rather than stare at the cursor and sob, I decided to take a break.  At first thought, the problem is I need a bridge chapter or so to get where I’m headed, in terms of plot and character growth.  I’m also at a point in the work where as I’ve added subtext and subplot, the shape of the whole beast is called into question.  I can keep it on the same light track I’ve been on, or I can take it deeper, shifting the style and tone.   As I engage in this self indulgent pondering, I’m realizing there’s something horribly familiar to this line of thought.  (Let’s be honest, Mrs Fringe excels at self-indulgent exercises.)  Prior manuscripts?  Sure, there are always points where you have to step back and think about what makes the most sense before pushing forward.

The familiarity breeding contempt, having me wonder if the whole damned thing sucks and should be scrapped?  It’s the feeling that I’m on a similar page in life.  Coming up on a plot twist, and just not sure how to write it, or even what it should be, but I know something has to happen.

Contemplation #1

Contemplation #1 (Photo credit: Ed Yourdon)

This morning I was on the elevator with a kid whose hair looked like a cross between Don King and Gerald,

Hey Arnold!

Hey Arnold! (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

the best friend with the impossibly high “fade” from Hey Arnold.  Man Child was about four years old when he fell in love with that show, and tried desperately to explain to the gal at Supercuts that he wanted that haircut, while I tried desperately to explain to him that his hair was a different texture, and could never be sculpted into a cylindrical afro that defied gravity.

If you aren’t familiar with it, Hey Arnold was an animated series that ran on Nickelodeon for 6? 8? years, beginning in the mid to late ’90’s.  It was a great show, with fully fleshed out characters, both kids and adults, real problems, and real heart demonstrating life for members of the fringe in a big (fictitious) city.

I began the day thinking I’d like to hide from the WIP and read. Bury myself in my favorite books until I was saturated in Updike, spiked with Joyce Carol Oates, crying Magaret Atwood and bleeding Stephen King.  But maybe not, maybe I should turn on the tv and find some Hey Arnold reruns to remember who I am and the pitch of my voice, as a woman on the fringe trying not to let go.

Itsnot Me, I Tell Ya

Must have been someone who looked like me.

IMG_0010

IMG_0010 (Photo credit: RosieTulips)

Here we are, the evening of February 28th, and I’m so damned tired I don’t even feel human.  I want to be positive, and happy tomorrow is Friday, but all I can think is whaddya mean it isn’t already Friday?

*Nothing to do with this post, but there was just a crash and thud outside.  I’m wondering if someone lost a flowerpot from a terrace, or if I’m soon to hear sirens.  Life in the big city, always an adventure*

So, tonight I’ve got boogers on the brain.  Flower Child is still sick.  Not bad, and able to go to school, but still sick.  Lots of sniffling and snuffling and blowing.  This makes me nervous.  March is generally an iffy health month for her, and I was hoping she’d be back to baseline before it started.  On the positive end, Parent Teacher conferences went very well.  The adaptive technology she’s using has been incredibly helpful.  The math teacher’s a little confused as to why she answers every question and interaction with him, “live long and prosper,” but hey.

Star Trek TOS Cutting Room Floor Clippings

Star Trek TOS Cutting Room Floor Clippings (Photo credit: The Rocketeer)

I’d like to explain it to him, but can’t.  Her thinking can be…circuitous.  For some reason she associates the math teacher with Nerd Child, which in turn connects her to the phrase. I’m guessing the teacher regrets his surprised laugh the first time he heard it from my girly girl.  Poor man.  Still, an excellent, creative teacher and I’m grateful for the fabulous team working with her this year.

Seeing as it’s the 28th, I feel I should report on how the writing went this month, since I announced I would be making an all out push, producing as much as possible.  Turns out that between Flower Child’s illness, the passing of my father in law, and life, this might not have been the best month to choose.  Between the morning of February 1st and this evening, I got about 12,500 words added to the WIP.  I also wrote that short, about 3800 words.  Not a wasted month, just not quite the momentum I had started with and hoped to continue.

Speaking of the short, I’ve got a reference in there to snot, connected to the main character, a woman in her late sixties.  The reason I mention this; super interesting to me to find that a few people strongly and specifically associated snot with children, and not older adults.  Is it the word or the mucus itself?  I’m no gerontologist, but I am and have been around a good number of older people.  Boogers don’t disappear when the AARP card arrives.  And someone who would use the word snot at thirty is likely to still be using it at sixty or seventy.  One of my mother’s favorite insults was to call someone snot-nosed.  She had other, more colorful insults, but that one was always used to great effect, with much power behind it.

A man mid-sneeze. Original CDC caption: "...

A man mid-sneeze. Original CDC caption: “This 2009 photograph captured a sneeze in progress, revealing the plume of salivary droplets as they are expelled in a large cone-shaped array from this man’s open mouth, thereby dramatically illustrating the reason one needs to cover his/her mouth when coughing, or sneezing, in order to protect others from germ exposure.” (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Gesundheit, and happy almost Friday, fringelings!

Five Cent Return

Description unavailable

Description unavailable (Photo credit: B Tal)

I don’t love to grocery shop.  This is unfortunate, because here in Manhattan, it’s something that needs to be done frequently.  Any and everything you buy has to be carried home, and most of us don’t have large refrigerators, freezers, or storage space for stocking up.  Add in the knowledge that you can walk outside and hit any number of stores within a few blocks, and there isn’t the same pressure to remember everything you need in one shot.

The cost of groceries here, outrageous.  I know this is so because when we’ve gone on vacation and shopped for groceries at stores geared towards ripping off tourists,  while the other customers are grumbling I’m skipping through the aisles, filling the cart and trying to decide what’s practical to take home.  I try to shop at Trader Joe’s as much as possible, it’s a significant savings compared to the other groceries that are much closer.  But it isn’t always practical, it’s twenty four blocks away.  So if I’m doing a bigger shop, great! Worth the cost of the cab ride home, still saving.  But if I only have twenty minutes to get there, shop, and come home, don’t need much, or I need things they don’t carry (like regular white or brown rice), it doesn’t make sense.

Grocery Store #1

Grocery Store #1 (Photo credit: wgdavis)

I trek to Whole Foods for rice and flour (cheapest in the area, I buy it from their bulk containers, they have enough of a turnover that it’s always fresh) and soy milk for Flower Child (yes, their brand of soy milk is the absolute lowest price).  For the certain basics or when I’m running out, I go to one of the two cheapest groceries in the area.  Both conveniently located within three blocks of my apartment.  They don’t look like the artsy photo above.  Dark, dingy, cleanliness is questionable, the cashiers are surly, don’t even think of asking for help from a stocker for something you can’t reach, aisles are crazy narrow–any number of which are usually blocked by boxes waited to be unloaded–and if you’re smart, you’ll check expiration dates of everything before bringing anything home.

I just ran to one of the two “inexpensive” stores this morning.  If you’re curious, a gallon of low fat, non-organic milk is $4.89 there, a half gallon is $2.99.  A gallon of store brand distilled water for top-offs for the reef tank,* $1.19.  Honey-Nut Cheerios, 12.9 oz box, $5.39.  Navel (not organic) oranges, .99 each.  One loaf of sliced wheat bread, $4.19.  A 10 oz “brick” of Cafe Bustelo–about as far from fancy coffee as you can get, $4.69.  To be fair, Bustelo goes on sale regularly.  Five years ago the sales were two bricks for $5, two years ago it became 2 for $6, now it’s 2 for $7.   I have to make a new batch of doggie gumbo tomorrow, so I bought a pound of cheapo ground beef, $3.63, and a pound of ground chicken, $4.29.

Getting the picture?  Chasing in four different directions for the cheapest prices, reasonable quality (yanno, fresh and none of those free pets that skitter across the counter as you unload), calculating, carrying, it’s exhausting.  Screw cooking, between the financial, physical, and stress tolls I don’t even want to eat.

Over twenty years ago, I had a friend who theorized the nickel deposit on bottles was instated in NY as a way for the homeless to get money to feed themselves.  Was he onto something?  I don’t know, don’t remember his entire argument, but he was one of those people who could argue anything and have you believe he was brilliant.  But while I do see plenty of homeless grabbing cans and bottles out of the corner trash cans, the real business of it is with the senior citizens.  On days when the recycling bags get put out on the street for pickup, I find seniors by every large apartment building, filling carts and Hefty bags with empty bottles.  These are not days you want to find yourself in a hurry at the aforementioned less expensive grocery stores, because you’ll be on line forever, waiting for the elderly gentleman ahead of you to have each bottle and can checked and tallied before he can turn around and shop.  Think about my little shopping list above, that’s a lot of nickels; many, many bottles to carry.  Individual, older people trying to feed themselves off of a fixed income, not organized groups with a vehicle to get to the big redemption center.

At night, in these stores, you find what Man Child calls the shuffle of shame.  On line to buy a forgotten gallon of milk, you often find yourself behind two seniors cashing in bottles, three finance-looking or professional people who are embarrassed to find themselves in this grocery store (but it’s a dollar cheaper for that box of Cheerios here than in the cleaner, higher end grocery stores), and a stinky guy buying dish detergent.  But sometimes you also find one of those New York moments.  The elderly woman who’s come back with her shopping cart, straight to the sighing, texting cashier ahead of everyone else on line. And the cashier rolls her eyes, holds out her hand, and takes the jar of applesauce from the woman, pops the seal and hands it back, so the senior can go home and eat it.  She couldn’t open it by herself in her apartment, and needed a little help.

Beverage container redemption center

Beverage container redemption center (Photo credit: Hobo Matt)

*Reef tanks use salt water.  Water evaporates, salt doesn’t, so you have to “top off” the tank with fresh water.  Because these are very delicate critters, tap water can’t be used.  Most reefers buy and run an RO/DI water filter, so they can use tap.  With a very tiny kitchen, and even tinier (1) bathroom, I can’t tie up a faucet or use the space needed to run these filters, so I buy distilled.

 

Admitting Defeat

Checkmate (The Prisoner)

Checkmate (The Prisoner) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It’s true, much as I hate to admit it, I’m never going to be King.  Not Virginia Woolf, not Laura Ingalls Wilder.  Not even a princess.  And really, that’s just fine. A quiet life is appealing.  But a silent one?

 

When I first began thinking of putting a blog together, my original idea was to have a collaborative blog, women of somewhat varying ages and perspectives, focusing on the differences between what we thought our adult lives would be, and what they are.  That idea never got beyond early planning stages, and eventually I started Mrs Fringe.

But due to some recent happenings in the lives of friends, and the never ending brain crunching non-happenings in my own life, I’m thinking about those early ideas again.  Specifically, the life I’m living and the Grand Canyon that separates it from the life I thought I would have.  While I won’t deny I have a vivid imagination, not all of my scenarios involved a crown and scepter. I never actually thought I would become rich, never thought I would live in a  palace, never thought I would lie on a bed of thornless roses.  Of course, I’m allergic to roses, so that one might not be fair.

Rose & Crown

Rose & Crown (Photo credit: Sam Howzit)

But I also never imagined having to worry quite this much about finances, when I’m not living a life of extravagance.  I never imagined not having a little area for myself for writing (I think I weaned on A Room of One’s Own).  I never imagined I’d be living a life at 40,000 years old where I would never, ever, ever have a day off.  I never imagined I would be trapped in New York, between finances and familial obligations.

I never imagined a family of five where each of the five would have such totally, completely separate needs.  I know, we’re all individuals.  I value that fact, Husband and I were never the type of couple that were on the phone 58 times a day when we weren’t together, I’ve tried to raise my children to value their individuality.  But I didn’t think, in the twenty first century, with all the societal and personal awareness, that I would lose my own self in the process.  Sheesh, I feel like a damned ’70’s cliche just re-reading that sentence.  Should I go find myself?  In a consciousness raising group sitting on someone’s shag carpet, drinking dandelion wine.

So now what?  I write, and that’s good for me.  It feels good, and part of me still believes–or at least wants to believe– there’s hope of publication at some point.    But I can’t live inside my head all the time.  It isn’t productive for any of my roles, and frankly, it isn’t all that fun.  I’ve thought about drinking more regularly, but I’m not very good at it.  One drink and I’m buzzed, in between one and two and I’m looped, useless;  a full two and it’s get-out-of-my-way-I-need-my-bed!

I’m a grown up.  I have a family, I have obligations, I have a budget.  There is no magic answer, magic solution.  But there has to be a way to make something better, at least try.

Virginia Woolf said, “For most of history, Anonymous was a woman.”  Is it still true? I don’t think silent lives are truly silent, they’re sirens and songs no one hears.

"Who's Afraid fo Virginia Woolf?". 1966

“Who’s Afraid fo Virginia Woolf?”. 1966 (Photo credit: thefoxling)

Two Days Late and Two Dollars Short

Jacopo da Ponte - St Valentine Baptizing St Lu...

Jacopo da Ponte – St Valentine Baptizing St Lucilla – WGA01452 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Saint Valentine, patron saint of love, lovers, beekeepers, epilepsy, fainting, plague, and travelers.  He was one busy dude.

Since this week included Valentine’s Day and I’m writing a romance, I was thinking about romance; the ways it can be defined, the different meanings, and how those representations have changed for me over the years.  Yeah, yeah, I’m a little late for a Valentine’s Day post.

I don’t remember thinking about romance or Valentine’s Day as a kid, certainly it wasn’t the standard it has become for each child to come to class with a card for each classmate and a candy stuck into each one.  I don’t remember it being in our home, either.  My parents were very practical people, something like buying a heart shaped box of chocolates  would have sent my father up on his political soap box to deliver a long, loud lecture–possibly pulling out the Encyclopedia Brittanica for back up and illustrations.  Not that he never bought my mother flowers or gifts (not regularly, but it happened), but the idea of being expected to do so because of a Saint, or worse, Hallmark, was just the type of thing to make his head explode.

Vinegar Valentine, circa 1900

Vinegar Valentine, circa 1900 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

When I was a teenager, oh I loved all that shit.  Pretending I didn’t, of course.  But really, what teenaged girl doesn’t love gifts of chocolates, flowers, white teddy bears with red ribbons, maybe a splinter of a gold charm that must surely mean dedication, pledges of undying adoration from anonymous sources?  Trust me, they all love it, or some variation.  Vegan, hemp wearing girlfriend?  Organic fair trade chocolates.  Or maybe a bong with a rose painted on it, put Sugar Magnolia on the iPod.  Even the girls wearing thick black eyeliner to match flat-died black hair, wearing spikes around their neck.  Stick a black ribbon around the damned box, pierce the teddy bear’s tongue and they’ll be certain you really, truly “get” them.

Romance as an adult, though.  That changes.  And I’m not talking about secksy times.  It means different things to different people.  I focus on women because I’ve got girly bits.  I have to say one of the top three romantic moments I ever experienced with Husband was the first time he insisted I take my pants off so he could iron them.  Strange? Certainly.  But it represented something.  After eleventy billion years together, though, it isn’t quite the same moment.  I can identify and create romance inside my head that work for a manuscript, the off balance rush of hormones in overdrive and  falling in love.  Between Husband and I, we were never big on “traditional,” commercial romantic moments.  As life got busier and more complex, the untraditional romantic moments have gotten lost in the shuffle.  Maybe this is the stage where it would be nice to have the traditional, commercial moments acknowledged, if only to counteract the effects of SAD and sick kiddo.  I find myself wondering what romance means at this stage, with frenetic days of each of us running our separate wheels inside of one cage.  A bonus slice of carrot?  Fresh shavings?

I don’t know, but I’m also wondering if Flower Child will notice if I steal one of the chocolates from the box I bought her.  Probably not, so I won’t.

What does romance mean to you?

valentine!

valentine! (Photo credit: maximolly)