It’s Personal, and It’s Us


I should be doing my yoga right now, but I’m too busy crying.  I figure that demonstrates more than a modicum of restraint, because what I’d like to be doing is vomiting while I stamp my feet.  Donald Trump won.  Hate won. Fear won. Selfishness won. Greed won. Racism won.  Misogyny won. Homophobia won. Xenophobia won. Zealousness won. The motherfucking KKK won. The DNC won, in its refusal to acknowledge that no matter how qualified, no matter how many good reasons there were to support her, Hillary Clinton was not the candidate to run in a climate of fear and hatred.

You know who lost? Me and my loved ones.  No matter what platitudes are mouthed, this was and is personal.  November is Epilepsy Awareness month.  I usually post one blog post about it, and post several facts and awareness tidbits throughout the month on my personal Facebook feed.  I’ll stop now.  It doesn’t matter anymore.  Awareness doesn’t mean shit when the country just voted for my daughter to lose her healthcare in two and a half years, when she turns 18.  We can’t afford her meds out of pocket, let alone hospitalizations, testing, doctor visits.  I have friends who voted for this.  Were they unable to separate the facts of insurance premiums rising because of the greed of the insurance companies from the ACA? Prayers are lovely, and many believe they are powerful, but they don’t replace rescue meds when your kid is turning blue in front of you.  I don’t know, but don’t anyone dare tell me, my daughter, my Latino family, this wasn’t personal.

Maybe you’re lucky enough not to have to think about the ACA because no one in your family has preexisting conditions.  That’s wonderful for you, I’m not so lucky. Maybe you/your loved ones weren’t worried about the ACA because you/your loved ones have Medicaid.  How nice for you, I can only hope Medicaid and Medicare aren’t targeted right after the ACA, but I wouldn’t hold my breath.

Don’t tell me you have respect for women, believe in equal rights, when we’ve just supported a man who values women only for their secondary sex characteristics; when we just green lighted sexual assault.

Don’t tell me you care about education, when we supported a man who loves the poorly educated.

Don’t cry about your child being bullied, when we just voted into office the poster boy for bullies.

Don’t tell me you care about the differently abled, when we just elected a man who sees nothing wrong with mocking those who are different, and of course, the aforementioned gleeful plans to repeal the ACA.

Don’t tell me how this was a pushback against the elite, when Donald Trump personifies the elite.

Don’t tell me about hope for tomorrow, when we just chose the ignorance of the past.

Most of all, don’t talk about them.  It was the death grip of us vs them mentality that brought us here.  And no, I don’t mean only those who are afraid of people of color, or women, or the LGBTQ community. I include those who refused to see this as a real possibility and consequence, those who dug into “us” with unrelenting toothless trailer trash jokes.  America is a big country; when we talk about different lifestyles and acceptance that cannot just be code for left leaning ideals, it is real.

I saw a comment earlier, bemoaning this result, listing all the reasons it makes no sense and is frightening that Trump has been elected.  Included in that list? Melania Trump’s nudity.  Yeah, this is why we have all lost, and lost before the votes were tallied. Nudity? Not important.

This is us.  Greedy, fearful, easily distracted by a thin patina of gold and flashing lights.

I am in mourning.





  1. I’ve been reading some analyses. One of which said he was appealing to the heart with his ‘we will make America great again’ rhetoric, whereupon rationality and logic fly out of the window.

    My conclusions are: that America is essentially misogynistic, not helped by all the evangelicals out there, so Hillary has always faced an uphill battle; that to your average person, one bilionnaire is the same as another, but one of them wasn’t a politician so he wasn’t part of the political elite; we’ve seen him on the telly and he’s a nice chap, just like us really; time for a change; many people make their voting decision based on one or two main issues and most people still go with gut instinct and self interest.

    I hope he turns out to be better than we all fear. Well, he couldn’t plumb the depths much further could he?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Honestly, at the moment I don’t have it in me to be positive or hopeful, especially when paired with the GOP stronghold in the House and Senate. Despite the shock, it isn’t a surprise when we look at all that’s led up to this day.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m grieving. I am. There is no “us” right now, there is no “we, the people.” His values are so misaligned with mine that I see no common ground at all.

    But if we’re going to get through this, we have to find common ground because a house divided. . .then again, that’s what this country is right now. Fractured straight down the middle, the chasm deeper than the Marianas Trench.

    So what do we do? Let the dust settle and see what we’re dealing with, then we have to actuall *deal* with it, becuase although this is our reality now, acceptance of that fact doesn’t mean complacency. We’ll cross each bridge as we come to it. In the interim, we can’t lose hope. We can’t give in to fear and despair.

    But first, I need to cry some more.


    1. I disagree, not with your sentiment, but with what we are faced with. His values ARE in fact aligned with millions, that’s why they voted for him, and why those on the left are so shocked this morning–they’ve been unwilling to admit how many true supporters he had. I don’t see how we will find common ground now that he’s President AND they’ve got the house and senate. We are fucked.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. The left didn’t do its job and now we have to deal with that hot mess, but we’re not fucked yet, dammit. There’s still a great number of citizens who voted for Clinton, present company included. We have a voice. We have to use it now more than ever.

    Present company included, absolutely.

    xoxo kk

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I am struggling to find hope in my heart right now. This isn’t like me at all. Maybe it’s the 3 nights of lost sleep since R’s 5 seizure day, but more likely it is that she will be 22 years old in January, just 2 days after our new president takes the oath of office. How long after that will it be before she’s no longer insured, and we scramble to find a way to afford her medications and medical/mental health care? I am not only mourning, I’m sick to my stomach with fear.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I can’t even find it in me to try for hope right now. I feel battered, and know this is only the beginning, as we wait to see if (how long?) our kiddos will lose their insurance and insurability, and watch our civil rights burn. –and that’s without looking at the international implications, because I’m not ready to even look out yet. 😦

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I can’t add anything. I wish I could say something but if I knew what to say, I would have said it before yesterday.

    Today I’ve been trying to come up with something slightly more optimistic than “At least I’m a white male.”

    On the other hand, I’m barely clinging to what could be considered a job. I volunteer 20 hours a month at a Salvation Army to keep my EBT benefits. I can’t function in the normal work place and whenever I try to get help, I either can’t find it, or it’s the kind of help they think should work for me because it worked for 19 other people.

    Well, now that the world is in this state, what chances do I have? I’m really struggling. I know I’m not in as bad a position as other people are in. I’m as helpless to do anything for them as I am to help myself.

    If not for my writing, I’d seriously have nothing else going for me.

    All I can do is hope and pray for the people I love.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. Whether we spend our days with words or not, I don’t think any of us know what to say today, it’s that frightening and horrifying to so many of us. 😦 A lot of us struggling today, the threats of alienation and marginalization are looming large. I’m wishing you the best, I’m wishing you peace. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I spent last night in shock fighting back wave after wave of nausea. My emotions have been so bad today that I can’t stop crying. I took a mid-week cheat day from my diet to avoid going off of it completely. Nano is a bust. I can’t focus on personal writing. My 72-year-old mother had to take self-defense courses to be a poll volunteer… and then she got pneumonia and couldn’t do it anyway. Fortunately, she voted– not that it did any good.

    I have no idea what’s going to happen, but I look forward to the fucker’s inevitable impeachment; not that Pense is that much better with his push for conversion therapy for the LGBT community. However, Pense does seem calm enough not to fondle the nuke codes anytime someone disagrees with him.

    I checked out his trumped up Twitter page today. He said now America will come together like never before. The blind led the blind, and my eyes are wide open. I just hope the fucker’s out of office before he blows up the planet.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s all I’ve been saying, and the majority of what I’m seeing, nausea and tears. I was thinking about you today, your son and gf. I’m sorry your mother is ill, and hope she’s on the road to recovery. I have 0 faith that he will be impeached. I’ve lost all faith in our process–especially now, given that the GOP also has the house, senate, and about to have the Supreme Court. Pence may not be as likely to literally nuke the world, but his social policies and science denying don’t leave me hope. This is truly awful.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you. She said she’s feeling better, but I don’t know. I can’t see her because her immune system is shot. My son was on the Canadian website last night when it crashed. His gf has been looking into BC and she likes it. I talked them both down from running, but it’s in their minds. It’ll kill me if they do.

        If he is, in fact, in his protected bubble, the next four years will be pure hell for anyone who’s not keen on sliding back 60 years into the past. I’m going to focus on moving forward… even if it’s just an inch at a time.

        I hope with all my heart that your health care worries are sorted soon and your loved ones stay covered. This is serious bullshit.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Hoping your mom recovers quickly and completely. I’m not surprised your son and gf were looking into CA. If I were in your position, I wouldn’t want to be faced with that either–we adore these kids forever, don’t we ❤ but I understand their thought process. This is all bullshit, and I don't feel safe.

          Liked by 1 person

  7. I feel your pain, mrs. fringe. I also cry on what we’ve earned so slowly and is taken away so quickly. Especially all things related to health care. I also have family members with pre existing conditions and I fear for what will happen next. I also wrote about the post election from my blog. If it makes you feel less alone. Take care.

    Liked by 1 person

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