Husband and I have been together a long time, but I have two relationships that are considerably longer.  One is with writing, the other is with Insomnia.

Oh, Insomnia.  The bitch who won’t let go.  Sure there’ve been a few times in my life when I’ve managed to kick her out, but sooner or later she always worms her way back into my bed.  We reached an uneasy agreement six or seven years ago.  She let me fall asleep as soon as I wasn’t upright, but in exchange she’d snuggle in and slap me awake by five AM.  Or four.  Or three.  Not fun, but doable.

Lately she’s decided she’s no longer satisfied with this arrangement.  I might or might not fall asleep within an hour of lying down, but then she gives me sneaky pinches just before I ease into sleep deeper than a  light snooze.  This cycle repeats, over and over, until at least 3AM.

I get up at 5:30.  This isn’t working for me.  Please, I know we’ve been together forever, but would you get the fuck out?  I promise not to badmouth you to our children, Anxiety and Caffeine.

Today I overslept.  Really overslept.

At 7:30 Husband nudged me, “Don’t you have to get up?”

WTF?  Why is he waking me up on Sunday?

“Oh shit, it’s Monday!”

I flew off the bed, woke the girl up, and got ready in record time.

Husband thinks this is a good thing, extra sleep.  Not a good thing for me when this is how I get it.  Yes, I need sleep, but I also need my alone time in the morning.  Peaceful on my terrace with my coffee, checking emails, FB, planning my day.

Now I’m crankier than I would be on two hours of sleep, migraine starting to nibble at my temporal lobe, can’t focus enough to tell myself to settle down and focus on Astonishing, and I’m pretty sure there just isn’t enough coffee to make up for this.

So you see, Insomnia, no matter how many times we try to work out an agreement that makes both of us happy, it just never works.  My Grandmother warned me about you, told me to to get involved with Money, instead, but with all the arrogance of youth, I didn’t listen.