Suck It Up, Ya Weenie!

The latest must-have accessory for the woman of 40,000 years.

The latest must-have accessory for the woman of 40,000 years.

I tried.  Tuesday afternoon I was shaken but feeling positive, “oh, a few days of rest and I’ll be ok.” Tuesday night and Wednesday morning, not so much.  I made a bunch of calls on Wednesday morning, trying to find an ortho who could see me that day. No luck–and apparently most of them super specialize, and the offices all insisted I choose if wanted to see someone for my arm or my pelvis.  “but they both hurt like hell.” “Well, you have to decide which specialist you want to see.” Screw it. No appointment, the pain seemed like it was easing up, I figured I’d just tough it out.

10:15 Wednesday night, I was lying in bed trying to pretend the pain had not increased by multiples of thousands, and my back doctor returned my call. Bless this woman. I told her what was going on, and she told me to come in first thing the next morning.  I did, she checked me out, and sent me off to the imaging place, with more concerns than I thought.

I may not have been able to tough this out, but apparently I’m pretty fucking tough.  The next ten hours involved 4 MRIs, 7 X-rays, 1 CT scan, and 3 exams.

At the first MRI stop, after being told it would take 2-3 hours. Umm, do you have a chill pill or something?

Sorry, Mrs F, we’re an outpatient facility, so we don’t offer any medications.  We have headphones and music, it’s on classical already.

Find me the classic rock station and we’ll be in business, I can get lost in my youth–where I didn’t humiliate myself by breaking and tearing my body from a simple slip on ice.

Between the music and the two hours of sleep I was running on, I was able to stay very still, no panic in the tube.  Could have done without Van Halen’s “Jump,” though.

The doctor was in touch with the imaging center throughout, and it seemed that every test finished sent me to another.  Everyone was nice, but suspiciously nicer as time went on, particularly since I had to have been screwing everyone’s schedule, being pushed (figuratively) to the front of the line, staff and techs waiting for me to hobble in at each new stop.

Can I please go get tea before the next one?

I’m sorry Mrs Fringe, they’re waiting for you.

Again and again.

Finally, one woman said I could get tea while they burned the images of all the tests onto cd.  Yay! When I limped back in, she told me my doctor was waiting for me to call her. I know, I know, by this time it was clear I’m looking at some serious injury, but by then 7 hours had passed, 8 since my morning coffee–a woman needs a cup of tea–and some of us need several!

Every time I thought I was finished, I was sent to the next test, the next building.  I stripped so many damn times by the time I reached the last X-ray tech I expected her to stick dollar bills in my underwear. By then I knew I had 4 fractures, why did I need more X-rays? The day ended at the office of a special trauma orthopedist, his physician’s assistant, his orthotist, his secretary, and the cleaning crew–clearly waiting and wondering when this patient would leave so they could do their jobs.

So. Despite that first X-ray done at the urgent care place, my arm is fractured, and now encased in a super duper molded to my arm but removable for showering cast.  The rest of it….As I understand it, there are three types of bones that make up the triangular shape of the pelvis.  I have fractures in all three, including one that extends to the hip socket. I would make a joke about not doing things half-assed, but I’m pretty sure this yields the very definition of half-assed.

Dogwalking is out of the question for the time being. I didn’t actually ask about typing, I figure I’ll just go slower and less verbose than usual, stop when it hurts.

On the positive side, even though I feel like I’m completely out of shape, all the past yoga left me in good enough shape that I don’t need total bed rest, can hobble with the cane when I need to, yanno, live.  And I think this gives me the perfect opportunity to catch up on my reading.

21 comments

  1. Oh Jesus, if you’re gonna do it, do it right? I’m sorry that’s how it turned out for you 😦 Medical professionals hustling people around really get under my skin (….no pun intended….). 8 hours of testing without breaks/sustenance is egregious and perhaps could be considered negligent (or maybe they edged out of being technically “negligent” because you visited more than one facility?)

    Classic rock stations…sigh. I love classic rock, I do. But what it means for me and what it means for the masses has shifted, a clue I got recently when I heard both Nirvana and Stone Temple Pilots on a “Classic Rock” station. To me, Classic Rock is more…70’s? That 65-85 range? I could list bands but I think you probably know what I mean. Stuff that was on 102.7 WNEW (at least I think it was WNEW. It was definitely 102.7 out of New York City). Stuff that was on Q104.3 in the 90’s.

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    1. Yes, we definitely have the same idea of classic rock 😀 And I’m guessing you’re right about negligence–plus they really were nice. I just wish I had had the forethought to wear sweats. And a button down shirt.

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  2. HOLY-FRICKEN-GUACAMOLE, Missus!!! I don’t think the word WEENIE belongs within a 200-mile radius of the words Mrs. Fringe. I’m sending you all the healing vibes I can muster, and, because I can’t help it, a little advice: Take care of you! Even though you have others depending on you, you won’t be much good to them if you don’t give yourself a chance to heal. *gentle hugs* *forgoing pat on the bottom for now*

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, puppy. 🙂 I’m on the couch with my legs up right now. I just want to know–does this mean I can say I broke my hoo-ha? I think so. 😛 Damn, now you’ve got me thinking about guacamole.

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  3. Damn, girlfriend. The Universe needs to cut you a break. And the medical industry needs to get its head out of its ass.

    Honey! I am hoping for sweet things to come to you right about now and then later on too.

    *smooooch*

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    1. Thank you, love ❤ Is it silly that I've been sitting and thinking this must mean I'm about to get an offer on something, short or novel? I mean, karmic balance and all that, right? Mebbe that's just the painkillers talking. 😛

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  4. Oh my ouch! You poor, tough thing. Totally agree with Elaine, this is weenie-free zone!

    Sending love and hope the reading time is of some consolation. ❤

    *fluffs pillows*

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    1. Thanks Diana ❤ I don't know how long this will take. I'm hoping not too long, they'll reassess in two weeks. For now, I've got painkillers, having the cast on helps, and I'm hoping I won't need the painkillers in another few days.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Woah! That’s worse that you initially thought. I’m so sorry for you. Reading is good when we are immobilized for a while. Good for the yoga. It helps. I was in a ski accident three winters ago and broke two major ligaments and damaged my left knee pretty badly. Two surgeries and hours of therapy after I’m fine. I had to be patient and that was the hardest part. Pain can be tough too. I didn’t want to take the strong painkillers and managed with over the counter stuff. I wrote a lot though, so it could be your silver lining. Take it easy!

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    1. Thank you for the good thoughts, Evelyn. Yikes, sorry to hear you’ve experienced something similar, but glad you’re well now. For now I’m resting my everything, and yes, it could end up to be a productive writing period. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I think I had more tests yesterday than I’ve ever had. The MRIs wouldn’t have been so bad if they had been broken up into different sessions, and of course, if I hadn’t been in pain at the time. 😉

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  6. Nothing says Screw You, Winter like a triple-fractured pelvis.

    🙂

    Mrs Fringe, you know I am sending good healing thoughts your way. Have been, shall continue to do so, on a puff of air so gentle you won’t even feel it, I promise. If you’re up for it, coffee in the morning, honey. If you aren’t on meds I’ll slip a healthy dose of Bailey’s in there for you.

    xoxo kk

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  7. Oh, lady bug, I am so, so sorry!! I’ve been going through shit lately, but nothing like yours. My poor friend. I hope you heal and feel better soon. I will catch up with my own blogging soon. And I’ll be on AW more. *big hugs!* Now, go rest. And take lots of meds. Dr. Ona’s orders! ❤

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