And Mrs Fringe’s Blood Pressure Skyrockets

I know, it’s predictable.  If I’m posting a second time in one day, you know it’s a rant.

It’s a crowded city.  Part of living here without losing your mind is the ability to block out what isn’t your business.  The man next door might be cooking something that smells phenomenal, but you can’t knock on his door at dinnertime. Just because you can hear your neighbors argue doesn’t mean you’re invited to join the debate.

I just returned from picking up Art Child.  When we left her school, there was a young woman in an “argument” with a young man.  I put argument in quotes, because she was quiet, trying to get him to calm down, and he was all up in her face, backing her against a fence. Boyfriend? Husband? Brother? I don’t know.

Then he shoved her.

Yes, one woman was calling the police before I could get my phone out, when she was put on hold I got one of the police officers from Art Child’s school.

This block has not just one school, but 4 schools on it.  This is pick up time, a beautiful Friday afternoon.  Hundreds of children/adolescents to see this model of “relationship.”  No.  No. No. No.

Most domestic violence incidents are never reported.

This young woman looked fit and strong.  I’m pretty sure she could kick my ass without breaking a sweat. But so much of domestic violence isn’t about the physical, it’s the mental/emotional. It’s the cancerous belief that this is part of being in a relationship.  It’s the sad and horrifying fact that too many parents don’t have anywhere to go if they leave, except maybe, if they’re lucky, a shelter.

The stats I’ve seen say 1 in 4 women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime.  That’s in the US. Worldwide, the statistic is 1 in 3. Every year, close to 1/3 of women who are victims of homicide are killed by their former or current partner.

I recently saw something saying more American women have been killed by domestic violence than troops killed in Afghanistan and Iraq in the same time period.  I’m not 100% sure of the fact checking on this one, so don’t assume it’s accurate. 

Look at the numbers. This isn’t something that only occurs in other parts of the world (whatever country you’re reading this from)/other states/among certain races/religions/socioeconomic groups.  This isn’t somebody else’s problem.  It’s our problem.

Domestic Violence Hotline:  1-800-621-HOPE



  1. It’s terrible. I have cousins and aunts (PLURAL) that have suffered through this. Some things they go through…horrifying. Many stay. I have an aunt who only through my mom’s persuasion did she manage to leave her husband. Even then she found herself coming back. She lives in Mexico, so my mom had to call her every day to give her strength and support. And there came a point when she didn’t go back. He died months later, and one of my cousins had the nerve to blame our aunt for our uncle’s death.
    Last night I was talking to one of my friends. She works at some help center for women. And she’s heard so many horrible things. Not only in the civilian world, but in the military where women get raped by those in higher ranks (i’m sure lower and equal ones, too). But you’re right, it’s not all physical. I have a friend who went through mental and emotional distress. Her now ex made her feel ugly and made fun of her body (pure lies because she is super cute and guys are always hitting on her!). Her self-esteem dropped tremendously and she’s only gaining confidence back now.
    I feel extremely fortunate that I have a partner who tells me i’m beautiful when I least expect it, who tells me he is so lucky to be with me, who reminds me constantly that he loves and cares for me. He would never hit me, and feels bad when he makes me sad. I wish everyone could find someone as great. Until then, my prayers to everyone.


    1. Thank you for sharing your family’s story, and I’m happy your aunt is now safe. It isn’t easy for someone to make the decision to leave, and I’m sure the support of your mother made all the difference for her. So many women, too many women. 😦 I’m glad your friend is in a better space now, everyone deserves to be.

      Even with women who are lucky enough to have not lived through an abusive relationship, I don’t know any who don’t have a story, a connection to someone they cared about who suffered.

      Sadly, we live in a world where women in safe and healthy relationships feel fortunate. It should be everyone’s right.


  2. Disturbing, to say the least. I’m thinking of five women right now. Of the five, four experienced domestic abuse. It’s unconscionable. And I think of other countries where women are kept under wraps and under thumb, where they toe the line under pain of death.

    I know somebody close to me who stayed in an emotionally abusive relationship for years, literally. Right now, he’s gone but not officially and she is pretty much in tatters. When it started, she made excuses. He didn’t mean it, she was going to try harder. For some reason, she had rose-colored glasses on, or blinders, because everybody else could SEE what she wouldn’t, or couldn’t. . .

    We need to be more vocal. More adamant. Speak up and keep speaking up.

    Thank you for the post, Mrs Fringe.



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