Is the Boogeyman Getting Bigger?

Return of the Boogeyman

Return of the Boogeyman (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It’s a funny thing.  I find as I get older, certain things that used to bother me, don’t.  You really do reach a level of understanding, this too shall pass.  In other ways, though, those fears take hold and get more firmly rooted.  Like, say, fear of the unknown.

I’m at a point where I’m ready to make changes.  Not quite sure about what they’ll encompass, but I’m ready.  Except, what about that other old adage?  You know the one, “the devil you know…”

Fatigue and I were talking about fears the other evening.  Not wanting to live our lives dictated by fear.  We were talking about our young adulthood, before we knew each other.  I realized I used to be brave.  Ok, maybe not brave, but braver than I am now.  I took chances.  Some worked out, some not so much.  Yanno, life.  It’s a lot harder to take those risks when the fallout of a miscalculated risk involves more than me and a cat.  Yes, once upon a time, Mrs Fringe had a cat.

I dream about moving to “the country.”  What if we did it?  Would it be an easier life, living somewhere the budget would stretch farther?  I have blissful visions of a kitchen where I can’t touch both walls while standing in the middle.  A dishwasher.  Not living with people literally on top and below me.  Privacy!  A garden.  A spot to let the beasts out so I don’t have to always walk them no matter what at least three times a day.

There’s nowhere we could go where our money will magically stretch for a fantastic area, HGTV worthy house, or a house on the beach.  A lot of factors have to be weighed in.  Cost of living, school system, special ed services, doctors/hospitals, work, somewhat reasonable distance to get to Mother In Law.  Let’s not forget political factors.  Not every area would be happy to welcome us.  I don’t need to be somewhere where everyone has the same political beliefs, but I also don’t want to be somewhere I’d be afraid to state my beliefs, know what I mean?  And Husband, who would be very happy if I would forget all about this fantasy and continue to trip over each other in the apartment, choke on the budget, and keep waving as I trudge out with the dogs to walk them for the eleventy billionth time.

If I keep huffing and puffing and moaning, and swear it will all be fabulous and I will wake up and skip through the daisies every day, maybe we’ll go.  Eventually.  But  that isn’t how I want to walk into a big change.  My crystal ball is looking a little milky these days.  I don’t know if this type of move would work out.  If we’d end up in the perfect area, if it would provide enough stress and financial relief to enjoy those daisies.  We all face decisions, we all try to stack the odds in our favor.  But at the end of the day, big decisions are a leap of faith.  A calculated risk, but a risk nonetheless.

None of this obsessing is getting me any closer to the revisions I should be working on.

For the moment, I’ll continue to watch the real estate porn on HGTV while I wonder if I’m being ruled by my fears or being practical.  Sensible.  Oh gawd, am I supposed to toss my stilettos and buy orthopedic lace-ups now?

And in the meantime, Flower Child and I keep watching our little seeds sprout, pretending we’ve got a real garden.  And I trimmed and bathed Little Incredibly Dumb Dog.  Productivity, sorta.

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52 comments

  1. We haven’t lived in an apartment building for years, but I remember how I hated it, and swore I’d never do it again. I try very hard to never say ‘never’, but we had some bad experiences. We own our home, in a semi-urban area, but I still would love to move further out of town, away from the traffic, and the fast food, and the mall. Out far enough that the main traffic on the roads consists of farm equipment, but I still want fast internet, and good cell service. However, this would mean that R wouldn’t be able to be close to the city’s bus system, and I’d be ferrying her around as long as she lives with us. Some people are just never happy. 😉

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    1. I hear you, these are all real considerations. Pretty sure I’ll be ferrying Flower Child regardless, so I don’t mind giving up the buses/subways in that respect. YES! I need a good internet connection, and cell service. It seems like that’s becoming the norm even in more rural areas, sometimes having more to do with topography than how rural. I am ready to be far from neighbors, though 🙂

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  2. Oh, well, just, owie. I really sympathize, with all of this. I will say that, being on the very edge of actually moving (and it is a big move, big change, maybe the biggest I’ve made yet) all of the second guessing, in the end, meant nothing. My decision to move didn’t come from any sort of cost/benefit analysis of the mind but rather from a feeling of more freedom in one direction and less in the other (the “stay here” direction).

    It helps, no doubt, that I’ve done this more times than I like to recall, and learned there is no place that really meets all my desires, not even close. But I’ve also learned I can be at ease as long as I follow whatever makes me feel more of that sensation of freedom. And absolutely it is complicated by other beings who rely on us. I have no children but there are beings here, animals I have cared for, whose fates are very uncertain now.

    But I could not let that be the deciding factor.

    Good luck with it all, Mrs F! xo

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    1. ((((Hugs))))) Kyla. I know you are on the verge of a huge change. I think the emotional pull works hand in hand with the practicalities. It’s impossible to have one without some level of the other, kwim?

      Your point about nowhere being perfect is an important one. Reality is what it is, and always needs to be taken into account. Life isn’t vacation, no matter where it is.

      With you or with others, I hope your critters all find safe homes quickly. ❤

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  3. “Am I supposed to pull them?” No. Pinch off the tops of some of them, which will kill them, but don’t pull them out- that might disrupt roots of too many. Thin out as recommended on the seed packet, sooner if they get whitish/limp looking. Do the same with “some kind of sprout” too. Since you don’t know what they are, thin to an inch or two apart, then again farther apart as they get bigger.

    I totally get the devil you know vs the one you don’t and fears that grow fangs and claws in the dark. 😦

    I see something beyond the city for you someday and truly hope you are able to make it happen. Drs, good ones, take insurance here- a major barrier to good care in nyc from what you’ve said. Lots of people in the entire region go to Boston for specialty care and they take insurance as well. Education is tough. I think the basic issues are similar anywhere you go, budgets cutting programs, overcrowding, etc. I doubt it’s worse in most places than what you have now, but when you’ve found a good fit you hate to risk leaving it. FC’s in a good place educationally speaking the next few years.

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    1. Thanks for the info about “thinning.” 🙂
      NYers are so egocentric. Of course there are (good) doctors in other places. For us it might be better to have someone looking at a bigger picture, rather than one for each sub sub specialty.
      School systems are why I realized I need to look North. Seems like it’s a lot harder to find a decent school system when you go south, especially when factoring in sped services–if you aren’t looking at the pricier areas, which we wouldn’t be.

      Not easy.

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      1. No offense intended so I hope none is taken by any New Yorkers that see this, but these NYC specialists need a bit of a reality check, it would seem. I’m not sure about adult care, but in reports of top pediatric hospitals, none of the NYC hospitals made the top 10 overall hospitals (the overal “honor roll” hospitals had top scores in at least 3 specialties each) and out of 10 specialties, only one NYC hospital ranked (Columbia), and that was at #10 in endocrinology. CHOP and CHB topped the charts overall and in most specialties and have for several years running now.

        It’s absolutely true that there is no perfect place. I am certain Empress could get medical care just as good as what she gets now if we moved somewhere more affordable as long as we were in driving distance of a top Children’s hospital but I’m not willing to risk it, not unless she needed a transplant- then we’d have to take her care somewhere like Boston. (That’s why her hospital doesn’t rank nationally- it’s not a transplant center. It’s a top 10 CF center though in everything short of transplant, and that is vital to us with her having a disease like that.)

        Educationally we have good services for her too. And maybe we’d get fortunate somewhere else too, but “maybe” is not something we are willing to chance, not with our only family that we can count on 15min away. But we are paying a steep price, this state is killing us financially.

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        1. If NYers are offended, I have to say as a NYer, too bad. Wake up to the reality! We aren’t the center of the universe. And I’ve yet to hear from moms in any other city, telling me it isn’t unusual for drs to Not. Take. Insurance. Grrr.
          Education is so hit or miss here, in many ways. Too few decent spots, stress and a roll of the dice at every entry point (K, 6th, and 9th).
          Hmmm, cost of living in your state. I will take your response as an answer to the question I asked you a while back. 🙂

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          1. I should qualify my answer a bit. It’s much more expensive to live here in my county vs other areas of the state. If we stayed up in the NW corner where we were 10yrs ago or went to the NE corner (which we would do if we had no family here- since we could still use our hospital- but we’d be 90min from the family we depend on) it would be very different.

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          2. We have one of the highest per capita cost of living here in the country, but it’s polarized by county. You can find pockets that are much more affordable than others.

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  4. I have never handled change well so it is good that I don’t want to change anything in my life. I like the area we live in hubby would love to move to the country well says he would love to but I think it is more “the grass is greener” type of thing and if he ever did it he wouldn’t like it as much as he thinks he will.

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  5. Having read your blog for a little while now. I have never known a woman more in need of a hold your nose and jump leap of calculated faith, yes do all the working out where is best, do all you need to do but do take the risk, make the leap follow your heart and need for space and sanity and do please go. Nothing is set in stone. you can return if you have to or try another place if the first isn’t the best fit. And you are expressly forbidden to go North! x

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  6. I really liked Atlanta, Georgia when I visited it. you are going to want to be near a reasonable sized town. when we went there was a wonderful crafts fair in a huge park, the place had a great vibe and of course its ML birth place.

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        1. Not quite sure on the renting/buying. The market dropped in the Atlanta area, they overexpanded, but hadn’t yet built up the infrastructure to support the massive influx of people they had move into the area in the late ’90’s early 2000’s.

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          1. Yes tricky, I spotted an amazing looking fore closure four bed for 90k the downside is the whole area seemed to be in the same boat. you don’t want a ghost town area of investors or it turning into a rough neighbourhood. I think I would rent first in an established neighbourhood and then see what I thought going forward. exciting though don’t you think? the possibilities 🙂

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          2. Yes, I think there’s a lot of that. People who bought during the boom, now homes are lost/being lost and very high unemployment.
            The possibility of a big change? Scary and exciting. We’ll see what wins out.

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  7. Every place has it’s difficulties. I have to deal with wells and raccoons – but I love sleeping to the sound of peepers in the summer and never hearing the sound of a chopper or airplane. I have gotten used to online shopping and know I will always need a 4WD. But the sense of space and peace is worth the work for sure for me. I grew up in a city, nothing like NYC (Vegas) so this wasn’t the natural trajectory – but when I saw that porch and the price I went for it. Now I think of all the things I would have missed had I not made the leap.

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      1. I have a wrap-around porch (THE type to have in the south) that is about 600 square feet – it’s like two rooms. I eat out there in the spring and fall. I prefer the swing to the rocker, but that’s just me. I also like the hammock in the woods 🙂

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        1. Your porch is almost the size of my apartment. Waah!
          The swing works, absolutely. I’d have to learn how to enjoy a hammock. You might be surprised to hear this, but I’m a little uptight–makes it hard to relax enough into the hammock for it to be comfy :p

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          1. LOL – I had to try several hammocks before I found the one that was comfortable enough to read or nap in.

            Funny thing – the first house I bought was about 900 square feet with closed in front and back porches – the whole thing would fit into the shop building on my place. I never felt cramped there at all – but now it would feel “cozy” It’s all relative to where you live. I saw that porch when I first saw the place and not much else mattered. I had to wait for real internet to come to the woods, but it’s been worth it.

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          2. It’s all relative is absolutely right. Though I find as I get older (and wait longer) my wish list gets longer. Not in fancy-factor, but in space. Before you know it I’ll be muttering get off my lawn in the laundry room. 🙂

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      1. I think you and your family would enjoy it here (countryside but still on the tube line to London) and I know I would love time in NY (one of my big regrets is never working/living there). Ah well.

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          1. We are on the edge of the Chilterns (beautiful hilly countryside) but still have the tube and fast train into London (25 minutes). So int that way we are suburban but at the end of our road are stables and total countryside.
            And there’s me wanting to move back into central London.

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          2. Ah, mrs fringe, he doesn’t want to move. I’m fighting an uphill battle. I think I’m just ready for a new phase in my life which involves a new abode. I’ll just have to work on changing other things to compensate 🙂

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  8. I lived in the same area, greater Seattle, all my life until Huz forced me to sell forty years of crap and escape to Costa wih a few suitcases. So scary, and I’m still not acclimated, but it gets better and easier every day. That’s a big leap, but there are smaller ones. Good luck with this. Huz told me you were unhappy with a few living conditions.
    On my Way…

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