Hey 2012! Don’t Let the Door Hit You on Your Way Out

Cartoon showing baby representing New Year 190...

Cartoon showing baby representing New Year 1905 chasing old man 1904 into history. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

It had moments, but overall, for me, 2012 sucked.  Starting Mrs Fringe was definitely a highlight; it was my way of stomping my spread out and beat up old foot, saying,”Yes! There is still a me.”

 

This New Year’s, I’m going to pretend there’s a possibility that life will be better, and I will have more moments.  And by better, I mean not any worse.  I’m old enough, had my ass kicked enough, to know this won’t happen magically. The problem with downward mobility is picturing it as a spiral, the pure golden spiral of mathematics or the spiral galaxies of the universe.

 

English: Golden spiral in rectangles. Portuguê...

English: Golden spiral in rectangles. Português: Espiral dourada dentro de retângulos. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

In other words, a somewhat predictable, plottable course. I don’t think plottable is a word, but it suits my purposes, so I’ll call it poetic license.  But for most of us living on the Fringe, it isn’t (assuming your descent isn’t the product of  addiction, cause that’s a different sort of blog). It’s more of a roller coaster without the ups. Squeaking along wheels shrieking and scraping against the tracks, and then a plunge that drives your teeth into your tongue and cracks your shoulder blade against the too low back of the seat.  But somehow, no matter how painful the ride is, you stay seated, following the directions like a good sheep, “Do Not Unbuckle Safety Belt While Ride is in Motion.”

 

I haven’t made any New Year’s resolutions in a gazillion years.  It feels so Hallmark to me. But I’m thinking…gift giving at Christmastime is Hallmark, in and of itself.  However, I received some amazing gifts this Christmas that made me leak in their acknowledgement of Mrs Fringe as someone who counts. Here , here, and I can’t thank you enough here. Also, here. So out of this commercial and Hallmark tradition came something beautiful and human. The New Comfort Food cookbook had me thinking about the importance of being ok with being me, being grounded enough to say trying something different doesn’t mean becoming someone different. I’m going to test this, and see if maybe I can make a resolution or two in order to recognize my own humanity. I have three days to decide on a resolution or two, I’m thinking one will involve regular writing submissions.

Do you use the new year to make resolutions?

 

 

 

If I can figure out how to unclench my jaw, and get my brain to release my fingers from their death grip on the sides of this box car, I’m going to search my pockets for the tickets that must be hidden, and try a different ride.

 

Get Yer Tickets Here!

Get Yer Tickets Here! (Photo credit: HeyThereSpaceman.)

 

22 comments

  1. I never make resolutions anymore. It seems like just setting myself up for failure, and the resulting loss of self-esteem. I don’t have much to start with, so can’t afford to lose any.

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  2. I don’t make resolutions. But something about the new year seems a bright shiny new promising thing. Kinda hopeful. Ya know, like *this time* things are gonna be different. those January magazine covers that say “get organized!” … “Clean your house!” … “Save your financial future no matter how bleak it all looks now!” … “Lose that weight once and for all!” all do seem to hold out a glimmer. Except… when you’ve been slapped around by too much reality, too many times- it all seems like a big huge cosmic joke sometimes.

    2012 really sucked. On a lot of levels. We got some breaks toward the end of the year on some of it, other things got a lot worse. I don’t really know what I want most.

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    1. Oh yes, it’s the financial future that makes me want to kick hope in the teeth. I realized, in writing this post, I know what I want. I want to feel valued, the question/resolution is figuring out how to have that happen. But I am wishing you and yours the very best, hoping that glimmer stays with you. ❤

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      1. We got some small breaks on the health front- after a truly hideous start, Empress stabilized and enjoyed some excellent months. That is a precious gift, and in the big long scheme of things, it really does outweigh a lot. But NEW health challenges with Boy #1 are just heartbreaking and feel like too much, you know?

        And now, lately, financial pressure is becoming unbearable. It’s easy to say “I’ll give up anything/do anything” if only to have healthy children” … And really, that is more important than being “wealthy” blah blah. But when you are strained to the point of worrying about providing the most basic of necessities- how can you even keep them healthy? Especially when keeping them healthy is a pipe dream in itself?

        2013 just has to bring something better, it has to. Doesn’t it?

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        1. Yes, the health challenges with Boy #1 are much too much. Finances…well, yes, healthy children are the #1 priority, but when you’re struggling to meet the basics, and the budget has been cut and cut so you can no longer enjoy even small pleasures…say, taking them to 1 movie over Christmas break…well, then you lose the joy. 😦 I don’t know, I don’t believe any year will bring anything better, but at the moment I have to believe we will find a way to bring relief, somehow.

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    1. OK, just read your post, you’re going to be a busy busy gal this year, and I’m wishing you the best ❤
      I think, to feel valued by my own reckoning, I have to feel it as a reflection from external sources. Not very zen, but that's where I am.

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      1. I think we all feel the need for some external boost from time to time, my plans for ebay selling isn’t just for my bank balence. we are herd animals its hard to escape that. trouble with other people is they too nursing their own needs. I wrote about my own journey to feeling worthy as a sahm here http://flyonthewalljamyd.wordpress.com/2012/10/17/stay-at-home-mum-sahm/ realising how our mere presence is the life blood of our family and for our kids is essential. I am getting called for jury service in 2013 and just the pause to work out how on earth i was going to manage it and worrying for the little people in my life made me realise how essential i am. you are too x

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  3. As I face another transition in my life, I am trying to take a new outlook. I am throwing it out to the universe that 2013 is going to be the lucky 13 year for me and mine. 2012 had many ups and downs for me. Resolutions are too often simply wishful thinking. I’m gonna try for some positive karma. What the hell? It can’t hurt. Loved this post. Just know you have some warm company out there on the fringe. Be well friend!

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  4. Hoping 2013 is much better for all. Doubt it could be worse than 2012. As for resolutions… I thought about cutting back on my sailor like use of language. 😉

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  5. Your headline made me stop as it was almost the same as the one I wrote for the end of 2011–good riddance to a bad year. 2011 was a year of loss; however, 2012 has been a wonderful year, so much so that I almost hate to let it go. I hope, for you, that after such a miserable year, that 2013 will make up for it and that you too can write good things about your year at its end.

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